Today is thanksgiving.... but its actually not that important to me today is like any other day. I wish I was in school this whole week instead of on break. THere are some people that I wnat to see and spend time with. I did something stupid last weekend. And eventhough I am not proud of it and never had any interest in doing it..... I feel like I want to do it again.

I guess you can say that the friedns I've made are all from different groups. At first all I hung out with were guys for probably the first month of school. Then I began to make some friendships with girls my age. Some might think that the people I hang out with may be a bad influence on me. ANd in some way I guess they are. THis is because they are smokers. I have never had any interest in smoking. I tell myslef that if I don't want to do something I wil not do it. I guess thats where my indecisiveness fades and my discipline and determination grows. But also there is the flip side...if I DO want to do something I WILL do it. As "bad" as an influence these friends of mine are. THese are the same people that I love spending time with. I would rather be with them thatn my other friends. My other non smoking friends also are always stuck in a book or grounded. I love them very much too. And when I spend time with them I have lots of fun too. But its jsut so hard to get a plan going wtih them.

I wish there were more people like me at my school. I am crazy and love to party yet I have some sense about me and have some morals and values. plus I can always go out and am rarely ever on restriction that lasts mroe then a few hours. It sucks because my parents have been really cool lately and say that I can go out and stay out late and do whatever I wnat if I let them know where I will be. But when they finally loosen up my other friends get put on restriction. sO basically that leaves me bored wtih nothing to do. I guess I could hang out wtih other people but they have very little in common with me and I can't see myself feeling a like a close friend wiht them. I would reather stay at home and watch TV. THis brings me to another subject I notice that I don't have many friends unless they are close friends. Of course I know a lot of people and say hi to them and have small tlak conversations. BUt I cherish close friendships much more.

I miss my friends in CAlifornia terribly rihgt now. I felt so close to them. ANd I feel like me moving has faded the friendships a little. When I come down in the summer I ownder what they will think of me. If I've changed for better or worse. I wnat it to be better than old times when I come down. I never want to loose touch wiht any of my friends. Friendship is the most important thing in my life. Even above family and maybe even God. I know it shouldn't be but I think it jsut might be.

Since I've moved here I have done somethings that I think have made me more well rounded. THey aren't good things necissarily but I guess I am proud of myself I ahve been mroe slefish and I am proud of that. THe good kind of selfish that is. Selfish has a negative connotation. It shouldn't. It's important for people to do things for themselves first then others. I know that there are a bunch of spelling errors in this jouranl but I am too lazy to fix them. I am sure you can read it perfectly fine mis spelled. am I right?

love and happiness to all
~Sarah~